quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just cropdusted the office
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I did not marry a roomba.
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