Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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