They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
