"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
