dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
