My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
well you can't waste a boner
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
