i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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