8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
