omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
