I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
His nipple licking is glorious
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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