I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
