Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
