She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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