ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
