it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
