So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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