Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
