i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
