How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
