OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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