Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
