Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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