It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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