I think im going to throw up on grandma
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
