What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish i was in the wii world.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
