oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
