Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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