thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I am available for nakedness
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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