yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
