i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
