he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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