Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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