Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
