This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize