The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
