you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
