So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
