I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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