girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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