i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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