is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
organizing the empties. That sober.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
