Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
