god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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