I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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