can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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