tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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