so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
