Your tits are I can't wait for
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
