Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
