Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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