So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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