oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize