yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
