Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
