dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
