You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
