I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
