Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
