Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
