i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I did not marry a roomba.
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