After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
