I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
