Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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