I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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