It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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