worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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