I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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