I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
