I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
