So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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