its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
