ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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