check it out our google latitudes are spooning
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
