i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
