pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
