On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
