I hope mine doesn't look like that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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