I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize