so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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