I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
