This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize