final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
