Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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