he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
