omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
