I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
