he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize