pop tarts are not kleenex
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
