if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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