grandma shit on top of the toilet
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
