I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
