I like to think it a success when the cops are called
from now on my penis is your penis
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
