I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
