this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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