dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
