I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
