We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
