You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Randomize
