He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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