I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
