Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
