how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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