so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
