I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
