It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if only i could text you this smell
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
