CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
