the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The beer is more important than you right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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