I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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